i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
