what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
