Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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