I love black thongs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
