using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it hurts more in the daytime
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
