I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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