If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
