a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
