If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
