can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
