I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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