That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
