M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
