1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize