Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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