Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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