That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
