WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize