I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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