I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
