The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
