True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
