What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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