TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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