I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
