His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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