I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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