Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
