life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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