I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
