I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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