he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
