I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
