I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
