How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
