What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
