i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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