I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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