True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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