We won't sleep together?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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