You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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