I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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