Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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