good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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