I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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