Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
