my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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