New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
