Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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