Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina