I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?