There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.