i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?