U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
