I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
either way he was missing a nipple.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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