you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance