Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My penis needs a shock collar
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?