Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.