Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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