mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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