sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
