so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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