I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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