Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
