I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
