apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
