@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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