I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
