He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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