I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
