Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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