Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
