Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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