census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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